|
Things are ever complex.
ex. My spacebar doesn't always work. but why is that? Stupid planned obsolescence, Sometimes I cannot see having this thing and my desktop...
Moved to WA a year ago, moved back to NY this year. Realize now that if I had my shit together, I would have been about 3000 dollars richer instead of in the hole, although not as much as national debt. Sometimes the fool gets the best of our senses.
Different frame of mind now. Happy to be here. Things are not as crazy as they have been.
It's a new world. I have a plan and a future now. and the more I see the more I know it to be so.
Relaxing, taking things slow, and looking ahead. |
|
the end is near... Michael James McGillis. Is a photographer I work with who actually provides good pictures to high school sports... I say actually because professional photographers grow up and get real jobs... the ones who take the pics for the high schools are amateurs and Michael is a step above.
the problem is that he is not the nicest person in many respects. Racism, Sexism and ignorance are chief among his arsenal to attack the day.
I cannot tolerate it, and knew I wouldn't from the first instance, but I really needed a job... and now... I have a lead on a good one!
YAY
hopefully it works out and I can quit in one week.
~R |
|
Heather Graduated College!
Kudos to her!
arrival
Graduation
party
wee hours
bike ride
second half of the bike ride
hanging out
movie
parting is such sweet sorrow
Went out in support of it all.
turns out that it was really good Trevor and I went.
mom was spent about 70% of her time with Erica and Todd.
Dad didn't even come out (he did have a State final for Track though) so he sent a check
Riley and Sean gave more money to Heather than mom did... (they are Brandons friends and by association, have become heathers friends as well).
Trevor and I couldn't afford to give heather anything... although I hope to be able to send a little something soon...
Robyn paid for and cooked almost all the food consumed over the whole weekend (I only now can see why she has been Heathers closest friend).
generally Heathers friends and extended family (in that order) showed more support than her parents. although we siblings have not much to give (cop out? perhaps but she didn't give us more than 2 months warning).
we all went on a bike ride as there were not enough horses to go around :(.
awesome time... Heather wanted Trevor and I to experience some of the things we were in for when we go to Montana.
Come to the end of the weekend, and I would say overall it was awesome.
It was great to see Heather again. and Washington. (hows that for broken grammar):)
Although I don't know much about Robyn (although I hear she is crazy), I must say... she was probably the second most supportive of the people I saw interacting over the weekend... bested by Brandon because of his willingness to get burned so he could take like 300 pictures during heathers graduation. from what I think happened over the weekend, Robyn was probably more supportive but we all didn't see everything... because While Robyn didn't go to the actual event, she did all the behind the scenes stuff to get the party food ready. and I must say, the food was really good!
on a side note, I realize how much I miss WA and on the same token, how difficult it would be to pursue my goals if I were out there... the temptation to play is potent!
I really do miss it though. |
|
So this morning, Trevor and I are looking at road bikes. because we need more excercise and enjoy biking. So after wasting too much time I realize I need to go soon... Take truffles out. Trevor heads to work... I get my stuff and go out to the car. I walk around looking for my car... down the street until I think "I have never park this far down" then across the street onto the other street I sometimes park on... still nothing.
Then it hits me, my car has been towed. and I try to think where the heck I parked it realizing maybe that I parked it in the laundry parking lot where it could have been towed away. but very shortly after getting close to the apt. I realize that my car is actually still parked in the PC parking lot out near Latham Farms mall (8 miles away). I left it there last night to meet with Trevor to go on a ride last night... and we forgot to get it back. Dreams of mac and cheese kept our minds astray... Awesome!
So I rode my bike into class today and got there only 3 min late. which considering it took me the same amount of time to ride my bike today as it does to drive means... (I broke the law a few times, and I was riding pretty fast). Now I must away to get my car from the parking lot... and luckily it has the bike rack on it already.
|
|
Went to G&G's for the vacation...
First evening there we had Fondue... Awesome. I am not sure what grandpa does when he makes it, but it didn't separate at all, for about 1.5 hours while we ate it. He is a wizard when it comes to cheese and wine.
next day, we had French Toast which was also delicious. Then Dad and I went cross country skiing for about 3 or 4 hours. when we got back, we replenished more than all of the calories we burned because I weighed more that night than when I arrived... we had Chicken in a new sauce that Grandma was just trying out... it was also wonderfully delicious. Then we played the game of LIFE which disappointed many as the rules have changed and there is no indication of such a thing on the box.
early mornings all on Easter sunday we woke to have an egghunt, baskets, and presents even...
Dad got me a safety razor http://wiki.badgerandblade.com/index.php/Gillette_Super_Speed which is something I asked for my birthday, but was honestly thinking of getting myself instead of waiting. so two birds with one stone so to speak.
Then Dad and I went downhill skiing for the rest of the day. It was a bit of fun, although the conditions were not better than average, I got to do some exploring and found an awesome path through the woods. The path ended up leading to the top of the halfpipe (so long as you follow the right trail as you are navigating the trees). So I hoped into the halfpipe and found that one side was a wall of ice and almost lost it, but luckily landed it. I was able to go up and out on the other side though which made me really happy. Also went down a mogul field which was pretty sweet the first third and seventh times and otherwise alright (there are several ways to negotiate with moguls and some are smoother than others). All in all a satisfying day of skiing on the East coast.
Dinner was Roast Lamb (as is traditional on Easter Sunday, the whole shepherd and what not). The roast lamb was a perfect shade of dry so as to be a perfect trailer for the gravy.
Chocolate mousse for dessert, which was soft fluffy and like eating a chocolate flavored cloud. the wine was delicious and the company interesting (hehe).
we left the next day after breakfast, and Grandma and Grandpa bought me a case of oil, and a full tank of gas :) they have never done anything like that before. It was an excellent surprise.
Got back home, read some Chronicles of Narnia... Ate some very strange pasta, had some cheeseburgers yesterday with pineapple and saute'ed mushrooms which came out wonderfully.
Today, Truffles and I went on a 2.5 hour bike ride, and had a glorious time... Truffles ran away and came back the other way around the trail which was very confusing to me but I think he took a short cut :). |
| » str8 Razor Shaves |
|---|
Straight razor shaves are still around because they are the closest shave you can ever get. A while ago while talking to my grandfather about his shaving practices (he always has an incredibly close shave) he told me that he generally shaves twice, once with the grain and once against, but also that he uses a hot towel wrap to soothe the muscles in his face before the shave and has heard that it does something for the pores on your face. After doing some research, and thinking that straight razor shaving looks awesome if only for the fact that it is another place, other than the kitchen, that i can have an awesome set of knives along with being able to justify having them. Now I have seen Sweeney Todd, and just have to learn how to shave with a straight. The main thing about a straight shave is that it takes a while to do, and can also take a long time to get good at. So I went to a barber today, which after a long search returned one of very few shops in Albany that actually does the hot towel shave, and even still, uses a straight razor. 29 dollars later I have a shorter haircut and a shave so close I cannot feel a single stubble anywhere. Truly, my face has no irritation and is generally happy about how it feels. Now if I were down in NYC, I could expect to pay something like 50 dollars for a straight shave, although a higher price, I would pay it for a special occasion... say a wedding or a promotion or something. I would suggest that anyone who lives near a barber that offers such a service, go there at least once a year just to have a happy face. The reason why I would pay the 50 in NYC is due to the fact that the barber here in Albany took quite a while to do the task, and ended up "cleaning up" with a Mach 3. I would rather pay for a full straight shave. Still it was a very cool experience by my standards (perhaps they are too low, but I think not. with the hot towel, it really makes you feel relaxed).
Straight razors can run anywhere from 10 to 700 for commercial razors and more if you want custom or specialty razors. you must get several things to start wet shaving (which can be done with a safety razor which takes some of the fun out of it, but makes you feel safer) a bristle hair brush (most recommend badger hair, or the cheaper horse hair) a strop for keeping the razor sharp after and before every use (only necessary if you are using a real straight, some straights actually have replaceable blades which is cool too), A soap bar for building a lather with the brush, a stand to keep the brush from being wet all the time, and an aftershave to help clean the pores and keep your skin silky smoothe.
Another tip for any shaving, Shave with the grain of your hair... most beards grow in a general downward trend until you reach the neck at which point the grain switches direction completely vertical. other men still, have swirls near their jawbone. When shaving in these area's you will notice ingrown bumps or irritation from the hairs if cut the wrong way, it is, however, okay to shave against the grain after first shaving closely with the grain.
Feb. 19th, 2008 @ 10:51 pm
|
| » Schools |
|---|
Another shooting... (NIU)
I just cannot put into words what I feel...
My mind is running, I can feel the pressure of it working, but no clear thoughts are produced.
People can be amazing, normal, exciting, and among many other things unpredictable.
Welling sadness is the only truly clear thing. I feel out to the families and friends of those who were injured or lost.
While reading the article, I felt exponentially worse when I saw the list of victims names. I am not sure why but until that point perhaps it didn't seem real. How incredible to think of life as being so strong, and yet so terribly frail. All the names could have been future doctors, mathematicians, musicians, husbands or wives, caring children, Powerful leaders, revolutionary entrepreneurs, Actors and Actresses or just something beautiful that cannot any longer be.
There are not wells deep enough to hold this sadness.
Feb. 16th, 2008 @ 12:25 am
|
| » Albany, worse than Troy? |
|---|
I arrived home today after taking a somewhat stressful German test. I unlock the door, and walk in... there attempting to climb up the stairs, and one of them with their pants down around their ankles. So right there in front of me is a 300 pound ass. WTF. I did not think this would happen. They say they are going upstairs but the people that live up there didn't seem like the type to have such people up there.
To call the police or not to call the police, that is the question. I think my biggest problem is that I don't care that much except for the fact that I had to see that guys ass.
Feb. 14th, 2008 @ 10:31 am
|
| » Albany |
|---|
It has snowed/freezing rained. I really like it when this happens, there is a glaze on the trees (which occurs from the rain being water, and not really frozen or not entirely frozen, and the trees being below freezing) and it gets struck by the sunlight in just the right way to sparkle. It also, however, gets ice all over my car and keeps things from working properly, like gaskets and windshield wipers. Rubber is not a friend of ice, as ice has a nasty habit of cutting it and damaging it in generally rude terms. Now my windshield wipers don't work very well leaving streaks across my line of sight. I went to A.I.R. today, a nifty indoor rock climbing gym and realized that I have no rock climbing shoes anymore. Rock climbing is my third favorite sport, following Mountain biking and Skiing. I wish I could just enjoy one sport and be done with it. I also want to go on a backpacking trip this summer but have no gear for it. I was thinking three days but that would require a stove and hiking packs. What sport is inexpensive?
And so the polls are in for NY. I am not sure about all of you, but I voted, and I felt pretty good about it. Funny thing though, they always have the extra candidates. Its hard to know all of the people you need to vote for. As it turns out, it isn't a test... you can bring a cheat sheet with you. Who knew. I got the presidential candidate wrong though as it turns out. YAY.
Kickin it.
Feb. 7th, 2008 @ 11:20 pm
|
| » 2007 recap |
|---|
It would seem, to me anyway, that a recap is a necessary thing. It shows the world everything that you can remember which was obviously important of traumatizing to you.
I spent last new years in WA state with Todd, Heather, Mom, Brandon, Granny, Erica (although she may have just left to go back to work or some such), Trevor, and Art. This was pretty much the whole of my moms side of the family. Trevor left WA just after Erica, I discovered that Trevor actually liked Mountain biking on that trip which started to turn gears that would later in '07 lead to better things. But also that Trevor was not so thrilled about downhill Skiing. Trevor, being my best friend, and I need to have some things in common. I had thought that skiing was one of them, but I was wrong.
So with most everyone gone, and me with an extended vacation, I stayed in WA for another week. Todd decided that he could afford to take me to Whistler and we could go skiing for a couple days at one of the best ski resorts of North America, but alas it wasn't to be, at work Todd injured his back carrying a bag of cement like a ballerina. Luckily he has rejuvenated since. But we didn't get to go on the trip. Being anything but selfish, Todd not only tells me to go anyway, but actually pays for Heather and I to go to the closer (2.5 hours away) skiing mountain, Crystal. An awesome mountain that Todd had brought me to several times the year before. I was amazed by his act of kindness and good will. At this point, I cannot remember if Brandon was there or not, but Brandon really seems to effect my life later on this year. After an awesome day of skiing, I fly back to NY the next day. exhausted.
Getting school stuff in order in a couple of days is not recommended. I didn't have most of my books yet by the time classes started. I get my dog from Dad, who has obviously been overfeeding him, as he is now about 10 pounds heavier (its all in my head). Finally everything is back to normal and classes begin. Nothing significant there except that I met a guy in class who had the same birthday as I did. kinda cool. I passed both Statistics in Psychology and Experimental Psychology with a B and a C respectively, and considering Stats was supposed to be a prerequisite I didn't do too poorly. All through this year, I have been mountain biking with a local group of mountain bikers because a guy at the dog park told me about them... I blow over 500 dollars because of my naivety at the local bike shop. For my Birthday Heather and Brandon got me a ticket to fly out and back to WA for the summer. I need a job out there so I start applying online, by phone, and by Mail. well nothing works. all summer out there I don't have a job, and I keep racking up credit card debt... while I may have hurt my financial status here, I feel that I gained more than enough to compensate. A friendship with my sisters boyfriend (Brandon), his teachings of Bikes and how they go together, a knowledge of all bike tools except a Truing stand, and an appreciation for Road biking. All summer I was paying for my new mountain bike with my credit cards... 1300 dollars for a mountain bike worth well over 2000. considering we went over 10 miles every time we went for a mountain bike ride, I put about 260 miles on that bike in the woods alone. We also went on a couple of road rides but since we only had 2 road bikes, that was much more infrequent. So the whole time I am getting into better shape than ever, and at the end of the Summer, Todd Brandon and I went on a hiking trip in the Okanogan Highlands. The road trip alone takes us through some amazing sights. we pass through every climate this world has to offer starting in a Rain Forrest going all the way to desert. Incredible.
This hike that we went on, was one of the coolest things I have done in my life. We have enough food to last us 9 days, and first aid kits that would rival a modern war medic kit, and enough water to last us 1 day. we head out into a burned down forest. Over this trip, I found that I could do it, so long as I keep my mind to the task. This hiking trip helped me to get through my tests and classes the following semester. It did not however help me to get my financial aid in on time. So my debt is now more than I have ever been, and I have nothing to pay it with. YAY. The Hiking trip is something I hope to do again. one thing that was amazing is how much better shape I was in at the end of it. Legs like steel. 65 miles carrying 30 pounds of food and clothing (on average) what a workout.
Just about time for me to get a passport I think. 10 years would last me until my thirties which I hope to be able to get out of the country a couple times between now and then.
over the summer I started to work out in my head that having one bike at home may not be enough, so I finagled a way to get another one. Now Trevor and I can go on Mountain bike rides, that makes it worth something.
In another life I would have stayed in NY for the summer. I would have had a job at Spectra, and would never have gotten the second bike. Trevor would have come on rides every now and again with the hardtail, but wouldn't have taken to it as much I think. But I still would have had an awesome time. Now that I have everything I need, I think this coming summer will be awesome. I have a new book for hikes in the area that I can hopefully convince Trevor to go on with me, and NYC will be visited and Cheesecake eaten. :)
I would have to say that if nothing else amazing happened last year, at least I went on the hike. But so much more happened. Life is wonderful.
I even got over my last relationship and asked someone out. w00t! life goes on.
so its time to do the laundry.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 @ 08:51 am
|
| » Finals and Holidays |
|---|
Finals Schminals,
I cocked it up. Three finals on one day and it is all my fault.
Math was supposed to be Friday but I didn't get the answers for the test until friday evening (the test was exact questions from our prior exams this year). Finally got the answers on saturday really, all of them anyway. Three tests tuesday and only studied for one up until saturday evening, when I went through the German Vocabulary twice. went to bed. Sunday morning I made breffix for peoples and relaxed until around 11 and started studying again. Math exclusive, got me through most of it. finished memorizing test 1 and 2, and started three. Remembered I have other tests to study for, so I started studying a little Neurological Psychology. quick skim of 4 or 15 chapters, Cumulative final. Read Vocabulary list again (who ever thought to put foreign language on the last day of finals so we had 2 weeks of no chatting in a foreign language to anyone should be shot). Monday morning, I have some food and study, then take Truffles out, then toiletries. Finish math studying around noon, study NeuroPsy until I cannot stand it any longer. around 9:30 I start studying german again... looking over perfect tense and what not. then at 10:30 I go to bed.... cannot sleep... calm myself down by thinking what I always think before a test. I can at least live off of what I know now so nothing I do now will make my life impossible. Sleep pretty well. until the alarm goes off at 4AM so I can study more. stare at the clock while it rings for 10 whole minutes. Truffles barks at me to feed him. I finally get up to feed him and drink some coffee grounds. Make more coffee. Study german until the sun comes up. take Truffles for a walk. stand in the park in the snow for what feels like 20 minutes. get back inside turns out it was actually more like 30 min. drink another cup of coffee. study math. look through notes of NeuroPsy. 7:15 AM, I go outside to an iced car... Scrape it off, drive in...
German
5 min before the test, she hands it out as I am sitting down. I look at the test and really wished I had studied German more. I cannot understand the headings. I drink the Bawls throughout the test. I am the third to last person in the room when I finish. I feel like it went very very poorly. I guessed on half of the reading comprehension, which was the last section, not because I don't know it, but rather because I am too tired to care.
Math
I get into the math room about 20 minutes early. So I seize the opportunity to take out my notes and stare blankly at them, thinking all the while I should really just rewrite these, at least the beginning. around 5 min. of staring, I finally start writing, and only the first problem later one of the girls enters the class. "hey are you ready?" she asks. I hold up my notes and say "heck no" I must look crazed or something because she laughs, perhaps a little nervously. at this point people start pouring in. I am sadly not very good at tuning people out. so I chat with a couple of them and finish copying the first problem of the first test. Anna (the TA) walks in with the tests and hands them out. I ask her to please stop handing them out early so we can still study. She laughs and says "if you need more time to study, you probably won't do well on this anyway" I feel like by not doing well I proved her wrong, but she won't know how I would have done had she let me study the 5 min. During the test I started a problem right and switched over to the memory of the other problem. Blam, glad I brought my eraser with me. Erase a page of wasted time. finish the 6th problem about 45 min into it. realize I did it wrong because I got the wrong answer. Erase it because I cannot find anything wrong with it. Read the question again. realize it was the question 6 from another test that I wrote down previously and it had nothing to do with the question at all. Skip this question because it looks foreign to me. realize that I now have skipped all the questions that look foreign to me and should hope to recover some lost memories at this point. I hand in the test with only 9 of 12 answers. I think I did quite well for how I felt. near the middle of the test I felt like I was cold as ice. and 3/4s of the way through I felt like I was hot as the sun. very bad part of staying awake without enough sleep for me is that I get sick very quickly. sniffling starts here, but again I have another 20 min before my next test.
NeuroPsy
I sit in an almost empty lecture hall and realize how surprised I am to find that I have made it to the right room. fall asleep.
wake up to an almost full room. open notes and look at the Video notes I took (I take video notes in red). turns out it was a good thing as there were 5 questions I would have gotten wrong if I hadn't... lucky me. decent test, My favorite subject all year. The Professor was really cool. I come out of it feeling like I let her down.
Test scores come out tomorrow, but some of them are already in.
all I know right now, is that I passed that final for NeuroPsy with a B+ getting me a B in the class which gets me my Major Status. I am so thrilled right now I think I could fail math and still be alright. but if I fail German. I may break a little. Even though I deserve it.
HAPPY HOLID...
well maybe.
This holiday, we are going to NH to visit Grandparents and to dads and finally back here.
Fun times.
Takin it easy. even though I shouldn't be.
Blargh
Dec. 20th, 2007 @ 11:59 pm
|
| » Finals |
|---|
So I have taken a couple finals... Meh, not too important yet, Discrete Structures was a really hard class, but it was my minor, and Behavioral Neuropsy I actually studied a lot for (got a B as it turns out which kinda sucks, but it is what I deserve), and Child Development I Think I did pretty well on, I am guessing another B but thats okay for those classes, even though they are my final, it was a difficult semester with Calc II and Discrete Structures and their applications. It is the "and their Applications" part that really sticks it to you. And Naturally the more difficult more important by my standards, and all around scarier tests are saved for last... I mean the tests that I have the potential to "smeg" them up... A little stress can bring the brain to some terrible places. I had a dream last night where there was a room that I knew behind the door was endless pleasure, and I went and sat down at my chair in the room next door and began studying. good times. because when I woke up this morning, I took my dog out and started playing HellGate a truly wonderful distraction from the several miseries that keep occurring one after the other... (my car was towed away due to my negligence [I have another I have been driving in its stead], got that B instead of B+ or A, not sleeping well due to previously mentioned game, and generally its really all because I am a smeg head, but on top of that... assassins creed didn't come out for PC, and probably won't until summer smegging smeg heads).
in other news,
We just moved, next door, better landlord still an alright location, less money, more included, Dishwasher, 1 door closer to laundromat, pics might follow, but not for a while... hehe
sleep first... then more studying, then the break after finals are done, and perhaps sometime in there.
Dec. 13th, 2007 @ 12:37 am
|
| » Dreamland |
|---|
I woke up distinctly remembering the last dream I had...
Washing dishes to the sounds of a clock radio, much like the one that I actually use. all of a sudden, a guy comes into the kitchen and says why do you listen to this drivel, and I say I don't care what we listen to, I just need something to listen to. so he tries to change the channel, and it doesn't work and I try to turn the thing off and it doesn't work. then I unplug it from the wall and remember that the batteries keep the thing on and then I realize that it is probably time to wake up because my alarm is probably what is making this song. I Wake up and it was indeed the song that was in my dream... How the hell do we do that? I mean since I know that the alarm is going to go off at 7:00AM does my suprachiasmatic nucleus (aka: the SCN, the Biological clock) know that that is indeed going to happen and so tells my brain that
Main(){
If (REM Sleep){
have clock in dream in case it works;
If(clock in real life turns on){
play track from real life ears into virtual ears of sleep life;
}
}
return 0;
}
It happens to people all the time. can our subconscious project the future if we know enough information about it? I guess the real test would be something that is unpredictable (If it gets encoded into the dream, then there is a delay and thus processing time, if something like that only wakes you up and incorporating the alarm noise into the dream happens the instant that the event takes place, then it is a prediction).
(If random event is coded --> processing while dreaming occurs) \/ ((random event wakes you /\ is not coded) /\ (incorporation of real object occurs at the same time as event of real object --> future predictability exists))
I must ask the peoples about this phenomenon.
Oct. 19th, 2007 @ 08:46 am
|
| » Overwhelming needs |
|---|
My once primary computer and file storage computer with about half a terrabyte on it died just before this summer... I know the summer is a long time ago, but anyway I got back and tried to make it work to no avail. one day trevor and I heard a clicky crackly noise. we figured it was trevors computer... lo and behold it was mine springing back to life, whirrrrrr...Kzaaaaapp! arc of light in the power supply has "only" happened to me three times before, but never to a 150 dollar PS. An arc in the power supply can only mean one thing... boned. So I bought more memory for my laptop with some credit cards which have been creeping up to half the national average. Trevor's computer has been dying slowly but surely as time goes on, pieces seem to be missing and thus get removed so as to stop the cancerous death from spreading, but it seems to find a way, and now it is a pricey lump of metal that freezes at the sight of any operating system except linux, which being too difficult to freeze linux it decided a simple way around that is to just shut its ass off for no reason. Curses to the penguin gods.
It is a distressing situation because we have so much information which represents so many hours of acquiring said information and installing/sorting of said information and now... out of our control it disappears. These things we have represent things we have yet to do, time lost this summer because I was away, and now we lose that which was not used. *much like neurons in the brain*
On the up side, I was given a car by my step mother who felt so much pity for me and my cars. hehe.
It is Ironic, I may be in debt, and my file server/gaming computer may be fried. but I feel like I have more things than many people my age and why am I not just happy with what I have?
Sometimes I am happy with it... but today I have a test so I am feeling particularly stressed. I am going to my grandparents this weekend and yet have some of the most homework I have had in a long time, which makes this the least opportune weekend.
I must edit this when I have more time.
for now I must take out my dog.
Oct. 19th, 2007 @ 08:30 am
|
| » I being teh loose |
|---|
Teh wimminz, while leading me to believe she was available, was in truth not so much. Complicated story but basically she had kind of broken up with her boyfriend and wants to fix it now. Curses I say...
On the upside, I do not feel so bad as I did the last time... I think it had to do with the physical attraction not being there so much. I mean she is cute, but not really anything close to my *ideal woman picture. Her personality on the other hand fit like a glove, which is why I was so interested. Appearances be damned I say. Anyway ironically while I was pursuing this one, several other opportunities came around. obnoxious that they could not have waited a week or so. hehe. It seems strange that all of a sudden I would be more willing to catch someone than ever before.
*for those of you who are wondering... Ideal woman = Curly or wavy red (not dyed and not only sort of red but a brilliant red) hair, Green eyes (possibly because they stand out so much against red), almost tall... somewhere around 5'-10", athletic build, and more motivated than I am (as far as pursuing all goals, educational and physical.
Oct. 6th, 2007 @ 08:13 pm
|
| » An interest |
|---|
let the courting rituals begin.
is it something similar to the apology dance? ya da dadda da da, ya da dadda da da... okay so thats left left right... screw this I am going to get her a present. -Futurama (I think episode 2x08 the 'x-mas' story)
HHEEHEH
or some such thing.
night and day.
Oct. 1st, 2007 @ 11:58 pm
|
| » relationships |
|---|
incomplete thoughts of today...If someone cheats on you, and you break up with them do you... Sever all contact with them, continue e-mailing them, or stalk the crap out of them?
Healthy wise, it seems to me that one should sever contact, and use friends as support group.
I have recently been told that I have not ever been in love, so I couldn't understand. I can understand the concept of thinking someone is inexperienced. but leaving a discussion with "you wouldn't understand" is quite possibly the rudest thing that you can do. Explain it. try to open my mind, when I say what do you mean? let me know. don't just say, you wouldn't understand period. Say something more along the lines of I think. and a personal view is definitely not the view of everyone. keeping in touch with the person that hurt you only leads to yourself feeling miserable when they do better than yourself. what is the point. It is hard not to harp on a lost loved one. this is something I understand all too well and yes, I do understand to think that you know everything about someone is to think thine self omnipotent and most are not. but that doesn't mean that it is healthy to continue harping on them.
on another note, I have learned that I have developed a defense mechanism where I compartmentalize feelings. I must release them at some point. but I can certainly postpone. I do not know when it happened, but I definitely became aware of it this summer and feel it growing stronger. this was evident when a certain girlfriend of a Brother of mine told me (you are too young to understand) which is something I feel she thinks all too frequently of most people around her. It is most apparent that she disrespects certain people more than others. condescending conversations toward myself and only in the company of her sister (younger) have I seen it arise elsewhere so strongly. it is irritating, but how and who she is. the oldest of her sibs. accept, understand, keep going.
So many redeeming qualities to overcome the few. Of course today, she dropped below Heather on the totem pole of respect. speaking with no thought towards the feelings of others. Everyone be they Dave, a child who asks too many questions, or even someone who is inexperienced in another aspect of life, everyone deserves a certain level of respect.
Sep. 11th, 2007 @ 11:58 pm
|
| » School |
|---|
And so another summer passes and we are left with the anxious feeling of glee and fear mixed into one. plus jetlag. YAY
good to be home, sad to be home, good to be home for too many reasons, sad to be home because I cannot go for a bikeride anymore with people who know more about bikes than I, and I don't have my bike yet. and I won't really have time to ride.
YAY financial aid chating tomorrow. so I can get me some more monies.
trinity bike shop search so I can put together my bike. and trip to dads to fix my car a bit and possibly borrow another.
long day when you think about it.
too long.
Aug. 26th, 2007 @ 09:00 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
It is interesting to realize the thought processes of people around you and their effect on yourself. Two nights ago (the night before leaving) Todd bought a cake and we all had Burritos then went to Todd's to watch a movie. then we went back home and watched another movie. all in celebration of my leaving. a going away party as it were. and believe it or not, at the time (3 in the morning the day of leaving) I was thinking that the same thing would be awaiting me at home. as I was changing time zones, round abouts Chicago O'Hare where the planes were changed on us, (30 min delay + opposite side of airport [that means crossing the runway underground twice])I started to realize that Trevor has work tomorrow and Shit Esther has already started classes. not only did I realize that it would be crazy for them to throw some kind of a welcome home party, I hoped they wouldn't for their sakes. arriving an hour and 15 minutes late in Albany due to thunderstorms in chicago and a 23 plane waitlist, I found Trevor in the Baggage claim sitting on a bench with what looked to me like a wish that things could have gone as planned. Anyway very happy but due to my walking directly to him and not around the object we had a cart stand in between us. awkward. truffles came and dinner was on the dash of trevor's car. Perfection. I was relatively hungry and in fact forgot to give truffles some of it. poor doggies. I don't know what it was, but I felt comfortable. happy/content. it has me thinking that perhaps I wont move to WA. I am really torn. enjoyment of physical activities (biking hiking skiing and rock climbing) and most of the time feeling alright (stress of money, Heather), as opposed to feeling happy and safe (stability of Trevor) seems like an easy option. but Trevor won't be there forever. To visit the fun places, or to visit the Happy places?
I have a lot of processing to do...
I have another bit to add to this but realize that I cannot because the man it involves would be truly hurt to see it here rather than to hear it from the others lips. But local people should ask me about it if I have not already told them. Generally it shows the instability of Heather and WA.
Aug. 23rd, 2007 @ 01:49 pm
|
| » Aftershock |
|---|
the day after we got back from backpacking Heather has yet again confronted Brandon about Parker. She says he isn't trained but yet in loving someone why would she not take the time to train him if she wants to be with Brandon? it is a terrible cycle. I will be glad to be out of this place when I get back to NY. Heather may not realize it but she is often at odds with Brandon and for no reason other than things she makes worse by not presenting them better. "Brandon, you really need to train your dog, because he thinks he is in control of you." and not "Brandon you either need to train your dog, get rid of him, or move out." which is what heather does say, and frequently. what happened to unconditional positive regard for all life? Heather doesn't think that it will get the message across to be nice to Brandon. I think she has no idea how much she hurts him every time she says something like that.
I keep realizing that when I am home (in Albany) certain relationships there work out pretty well. Trevor and Esther argue sure... but they don't diminish each other when they do it. Heather attacks Brandon and all I can think of is someone drowning a puppy. Brandon doesn't argue well. Heather on the other hand can come up with shit one could never think of. plus she frequently argues with impossible odds. "do you not love me?" "I find myself realizing that you are just so young" what the hell does that do in an argument? it stuns the other person into listening to you attack and belittle. I have stepped into their arguments and feel that I cannot get the message across to heather that you don't actually need to crush the opponent, but rather teach them your side. Heather seems so strange to me. with her talk of horses and how too many people feel like they need to brake the horse, and thats not it at all, but rather you need to make the horse understand and shit like that. Heather crushes those she loves to make them understand, not show them how to understand. it is very painful to watch. and perhaps more painful to attempt to fix.
all this thought about how my summer could have been different at home with Trevor and Esther.
- Esthers birthday
- harry potter discussions
- city trips
- mt. biking with local groups
- relationships?
- movies I wanted to see with trevor (bourne and such as well as TV shows at home)
- and the meeting of a new member Styx. a cool sounding dog which I will hopefully get to meet tomorrow night.
- LAN Party
whereas here
- Mt. Biking in awesome forest.
- acquiring of new Mt. bike
- learning about how to build maintain Mt. Bikes.
- networking computers here.
- dog and people adventures (Bike trips and backpacking/hiking)
- hanging out with Todd, Brandon and Heather
- Pacific ocean
- REI / Krispy Kreme trips
the home option could have also included working at Spectra. with 3000 extra dollars in my pocket but no MT. bike.
I am not sure I made the right decision to come out here. but it was awesome. and I learned so much.
I am glad I came, but isn't this what regret is all about, what if?
I think I would have been happier there though. learning and doing here made this worth while, but happiness is worth so much.
Aug. 21st, 2007 @ 09:54 am
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
theeveningwolf's journal